Tag Archives: Girlfriends

Friends…How many of us have them.

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Friends…How many of us have them.

Friends, ones we can depend on…before we go any further, let’s be friends!! Do y’all know that song by Whodini? If not, Friends <<<Get you some!

I’ve spoken with so many MSers about how they lost family and friends after being diagnosed. Now some of the folks they lost needed to be lost and never again found. Then there were other situations where the MSer simply didn’t do their part. Look, Y’all know I get it. You don’t want to feel like a burden. Well guess what? It’s burdensome for your friends to wonder if you are getting out enough. If you might be depressed because you don’t hang with them anymore. Did they do something to offend or hurt you. It’s burdensome for your friends to wonder if you are just not interested in a friendship with them anymore. DO YOUR PART!! What does that mean? Welp. I’m here to tell you.

  1. When a friend asks you to join them for, let’s just say, tea. Now for us we aren’t just agreeing to the tea drinking. We are agreeing to all those things like showering, getting dressed, doing our hair and make-up and then recovering from the getting ready for this outing. We then have to assess will we have anything left to drive to said spot for this tea drinking, engage in witty banter whilst drinking this tea, and drive home and handle whatever is waiting for us there. All of this just  for…
    LiddAy8i4

    Tea anyone?

    See I get it. But here’s a solution. Impromptu is hard for us. So tell that friend you’d love to and ask if they can pick you up. And please save the guilt of “Oh that just seems like so much.” If it is, they’ll tell you and you all can schedule for a time when they can drive.. I assure you your friends don’t mind. Or maybe the rescheduled time will be a time when you can conquer all and proclaim “LET ME DRINK TEA BECAUSE MS AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!!”

  2. Next. Your friends have lives that don’t include you or your disease and that is just fine!! Get over yourself. No one’s life should include all of you all the time. So if you are looking from the outside in on all the great things your friend or friends are doing that don’t include you…get a life. Harsh huhn? I know. When you have a disease that is just set on taking your life’s activities from you, it’s hard to know how to get a life. Look. A life doesn’t mean you are out zip lining, skiing, bike riding, etc. or maybe it does. But if it doesn’t, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a life. Your life could be reading a great book, watching a movie, or sleeping. Sleeping is essential…oh and some days I look forward to it. Your life can be going to what seems like an endless amount of doctor’s appointments. This is going to sound so Iyanla Vanzant Belovedness, but find a way to even make those acceptable and possibly enjoyable. I actually had to learn this. I do things like take candy to the staff. (Which opens the door to some pretty funny conversation.) My point is, if you don’t have a life…don’t blame it on your friends or MS. Change your perspective. Because hating your life and everyone who isn’t helping you get a life…aintnobodygottimeforthat

 

3. Friends that don’t call as much as they used to. Call them!! And when you do, don’t have the expectation that the call will be a long one. Don’t get all caught in your feelings that your friend isn’t asking you about all the treatments and issues you are having or have had. No one (including you) wants to talk about MS and illness all the time. And if you need to talk about it, know who to call. Know your friends. I have friends that I know I can call and be a big arse baby if I want to be.(well one happens to be my little sister so jackpot for me.) Then I have friends that I can call and we will cut up about everything under the sun, but we don’t really talk about my MS much or their ailments either. But booooy do we talk about folks. I mean this political cycle alone has given us ammunition for decades to come. The GOP side looks like something from the Seven Dwarfs…dwarfs of menopause

Now where was I? Oh yeah. Just call, talk, and enjoy. If they don’t answer, leave a message. If they never call back…well Bye! Move on. Were y’all friends anyway? Or just acquaintances that were convenient for a time and now time’s up. Time expires on friendships too. Doesn’t mean they were bad friends or that you were, just means time’s up.

4. african-american-woman-clip-art-136153 <<<sometimes this is what I envision my friends and I look like when we are hanging out and sometimes this is exactly what it looks like. Then there are times when it looks like thisgirls-hanging-out-10467128  Just us hanging out at someone’s house eating cookies, talking, watching the kids run around and enjoying what is us. On these days, I have usually been driven to whatever the destination is. My friends understand that I may or may not be social. But in order for my friends to get accustomed to all that is me I have to be honest with them about what that is. I don’t pretend to be ok when I’m not. I ask for help when I need it. I tell them, don’t stop inviting me to <insert event> I’ll make one eventually. And they don’t stop inviting me. I am honest about why I didn’t attend an event. Lately I’ve had to say “I’m not going to make it because my legs ain’t loyal.” To this they’ll say ok next time or I’ll come get you. Either way, I did my part and they did theirs.

 

Friendships take work. Most of that work is honesty and communication. If you do your part…You’ll still have MS, you’ll have a life and you might just have a few friends.

clipmickeygang

Remember everyone has something. Don’t let your something rob you of everything. Now excuse me while I call around and see who wants to meet me for tacos…

Bye!

 

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Fatal Attraction

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As any abusive lover mine tries to alienate me from my loved ones…Why? Because he loves me most right? He wants all of me to himself. This is a fatal attraction kind of relationship

Fatal Attraction

and well I can’t participate. I don’t really care for rabbit.

Rabbit       Rabbit 2

I guess you are saying how are you not going to participate? You have MS. Yep I do, but get this that doesn’t take away my ability to make choices. When you are fighting against a chronic illness there are so many emotions you go through. One being that the people around you just don’t understand. They don’t understand how hard it is just to wake up and move. They don’t understand what it takes to do all the simple tasks that make up a normal life. They don’t understand how low your lows are. And you’re right, they don’t understand…and they never will! Stop placing that expectation on them. How dare you!!

Righteous Indignation

It’s just not fair. But understand this. Just because they don’t understand, doesn’t mean they don’t care. Just because they don’t understand, does not mean they don’t want to or can’t help. When there are events that you can’t make, it doesn’t mean that you are not missed. When you are invited to said events, and you are at a low it is not “them” being insensitive. Most times it is just the opposite. It is them trying to connect in the way they know how. It is them trying to help. If you always say no, yeah the invites will start to dwindle. (It is just normal. Nobody wants to always be told no) If that bothers you, then you schedule some time with your friends that works for you in an environment that works for you. Some people will be able to make it. Some won’t. Do not take it personally. Go ahead with your plans

I usually start off with something like this in my head

Dinner Party

Yes I will have an elaborate, fancy smancy, dinner party!!

This is what it usually turns out to be

Dinner party 2

Friends, Fun, no frills. everyone bring yourself, a dish, and be prepared for pure unadulterated fun. And that is exactly what ensues. Yep I get tired, the pain starts to creep in and my lover starts to make himself known. I don’t try to hide this. It’s the hiding and pretending that makes us feel alienated. Everyone is laughing and having fun and you feel like someone is stabbing you all over your body.

THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE!!

Stabbing

You gotta give to these lovers they are persistent. Well guess what you can fight back!! Don’t let them take your life from you. Fight back!!!

Kick

I fight back by not scheduling anything after a hectic week. I also take an over the counter pain med before everyone arrives just to take the edge off and not be so drugged up I just wanna go to bed. I don’t try to host the event. We are all friends here. They know how to serve themselves and whatnot. I also don’t expect too much from myself or them. We are just getting together to talk about whatever, dance, sing, just do whatever. The fun that ensues is…well it’s good for my soul. You see you are not a burden to your friends, and they don’t see accommodating you as an imposition of some sort. I’ve gone to plenty of events where my friends have said. “Let me swing by and pick you up.” They may not understand what it feels like  to have a chronic illness, but they do understand in some cases what I need. Driving a long distance, hanging out, and then driving home sometimes can be too much for me and can be a deciding factor on whether I attend or not. Guess what I KNOW THIS TOO!! So in some instances I just ask to be picked up. After all by us riding together we get to start the fun a little sooner. My point is don’t withdraw from people because they don’t understand or that you are feeling a certain way about how they must feel. 9 times out of 10 you are wrong. Your true friends don’t get what you go through, but they sure do care about what you go through. They want to be there for you. They want to hang out with you. Don’t have the expectation that they SHOULD get what it is like to live with your lover. All they have to get is you and understand that when you throw an event one of them must bring cake!!

CEO  CAKES & NOVELTIES https://www.facebook.com/CEOCustomCakes?ref=br_tf

CEO CAKES & NOVELTIES 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This or That. #ThisIs40 #ThatIsMS

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Ok now I am sure anyone who has hit the 40 year mark understands the following:

  • My (pick a joint) hurts
  • What was I saying?
  • What is that? (Pick a blemish)
  • Did I fall asleep?

What did I come in here for? Yeah you walk into a room (Or in my case a grocery store, retail store, etc.) and you can not figure out what the hell you came for. So you stand in the room looking around hoping something will jog your memory, but alas nothing does so you abort whatever mission this was.

Just walk out like you meant to do that.

Just walk out like you meant to do that.

Now my problem comes when I can’t decipher when I am having a THIS is 40 moment or when I’m having a THAT is MS moment.

As you are having a conversation you forget what you were trying to say. I chalk that up to This is 40. Not being able to come up with the right word or constantly saying the wrong one. That is MS.

Not recognizing people you just met last weekend. That is MS. Getting folks names wrong on a consistent basis. That is MS? This is 40? Now I always get the first letter correct. If your name is Connie, be prepared to have me call you Coretta. Bernice = Belinda. Alice=Alissa. You get the gist?

Oh and the pain!! Is this my lover calling? Or is it just 40?  Trying to decipher the codes that say this is 40 or that is MS usually simply means talking to some of my friends. Isn’t that always the way when dealing with a difficult relationship? Call your girlfriend and

Let the laughs begin.

Let the laughs begin.

OR

Are you alright?!

Are you alright?!

Girl I walked into the kitchen today and I have no idea why? I walked out of Target today and couldn’t find my car. If she then goes on to tell you her stories of such then THIS is 40. If she says “Are you alright?” Then THAT is MS. Laughs or Concern. Perfect way to diagnose THIS or THAT. Anybody else stuck in time tho’?  I’m 40? Wonder Woman too? Oh.

Wonderwoman