Tag Archives: Fear

Whet the democracy????

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Whet the democracy????

The “Whet” is not a spelling error. This election cycle is filled with so much insanity that a Bish Whet is in order.

bish-whet-bish

Let me just say that I love this little baby. He is just giving all the cuteness. Now about this train wreck of Whetmocracy. On the republican side we have narrowed it down from umpteen million candidates by giving the stage to the most vile, racist, sexist, showman I have seen in a political run for the presidency in my lifetime. We have allowed the things that are really plaguing this country to be upstaged by a baddest man hit my hand contest and it is reprehensible. I want to say America is better than this, but is it really? A country as rich as this and before the Affordable Care Act I couldn’t get insurance to help cover my medical expenses. This country which has sent men to the moon, couldn’t figure out a way to ensure all of its citizens had access to healthcare? Well anyway back to Ringling Brothers and the circus that should have never been.

Y’all look I don’t care who anyone votes for, but I do expect folks to make their decisions based on something other that jibber jabber my hands are small but my penis is bigger than yours there will be a wall and mass deportations and ion know how imma pay for it, well Mexicocalifragilisticexpiallidocious it will be great and you’re a loser. I thought a spoon full of sugar helped the bullshit go down. Ain’t nothing sweet about any of this…wait that was medicine. Mary Poppins would never say bullshit.

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I can’t even have my kids watch these debates. They are so interested in this process and I want them to see the debates on both sides. So far they have seen the Democrat side… There are grown men who want to lead a nation basically trying to out bully one another. Really? I mean just a few years ago we had grown men  who debated about their political and policy differences on how to lead this country and what they stood for morally. We had huge rallies where all were accepted and allowed to listen to what any candidate had to say even if they disagreed and hollered out that disagreement. The presidential candidates would respond with how they would address whatever problem was shouted out or they would ignore the outburst and continue with their stump speech. Why? Because the men of the past elections recognized that this is indeed a country that allows its citizens to check them when they are vying to represent them. They however never allowed for or commanded other citizens to harm anyone because of differences. As a matter of fact I would bet that, Republican or Democrat, none of our former candidates would have allowed for anyone to be attacked on their watch, at their rally, on their command. As potential leaders of this country they understood that they are to set examples for what is and is not acceptable. They were going to disagree without being disagreeable.

These are all the the people who were in the running to be leader of the free world

2016-presidential-candidates

Somewhere along the way we got so sick of the establishment and status quo so  we decided we would go with loud, disrespectful, racist, sexist, and just 50 shades of orange and wrong. I don’t want anyone representing this country who is not compassionate enough to ensure that he or she will know they are running this country appropriately by what he or she does for the least of us. In order to do that, he or she has to be willing to listen to the woes and sorrows of the disenfranchised. What does “Make America great again” really mean for the candidate who loves to shout it? When was America not great for the white, male, and rich?

Welp this heah post had not a thing to do with MS…or did it? Our lives are so much more than our MS. But having MS does have us look at the world a little different. I think more about health legislation. I think more about MS patients who are homeless. I think more about caregivers. I think more about people who really feel like they have no voice, no support and who feel they are as invisible as our disease is. I want a leader who accepts, fights for, and speaks for us all. In my opinion, if you do this for the least of us you will do this for all of us.

 

 

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My fight with my lover…I surrendered

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“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Why am I posting this quote again? Because it seems to be the running theme in my life these days! Not only is my lover rubbing fear all over me every chance he gets, but life has been throwing curve balls that I keep thinking I am incapable of dealing with. I keep proving myself wrong. Get this tho’ it is the times when I just surrender all that all works out as it should. This concept is a difficult one for me.

When I was diagnosed I decided to fight, but fight sometimes, as I have learned, means simply surrendering. Surrender all notion that you are in control of any of it. Sounds crazy to a person like me. When they said you may not walk. I thought “The hell I won’t!! I am going to will and fight myself into moving this left side.” And for a while I thought I did. But as the years go by and I have more time with my lover I realize that I have surrender fought, more than I have fought, fought. Do you understand what that means? It means the minute I accepted that there wasn’t anything I could do about having this lover invade my body, I was surrendering. But not a give up kind of surrender, but a give it over kind of surrender. The kind of surrender that says “This is not within my control and I can not give into it, but I also can’t cure it. So I must surrender any notion that I can.” There was peace in that for me. I didn’t have to figure out how to fix it. You see I gave that over to God. And throughout this affair there have been several instances where I have surrendered. I have looked fear in the face. The fear of losing my independence, the fear of losing my words, my ability to speak (And anyone who knows me knows I MUST SAY WHAT I GOTTA SAY), my ability to walk, run, play with my children, nieces, nephews. I feared losing me. And what we all know is that you can not lose you in any relationship…especially one that is a s dysfunctional as the relationship I have with this lover of mine. So as I prepare to go in and get MRIs, blood drawn, tests run and results read, I understand that the fear I feel is normal. It is ok. It is also ok surrender this fight.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

The strength, courage, and confidence I have is in God. The blind faith is the thing I thought I could not do and that frightened me before the experiences that showed me that with faith I can do the things I thought I could not do. This lover that was introduced to me has transformed me and I must say I am the better for my challenges…and I never would have thought that’s where I’d be 4 years after losing both my parents and being told I have an incurable chronic disease.

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” 
― Maya Angelou

FAITH NOT FEAR

FAITH NOT FEAR

The Mistress, Oprah, Australia and Fear part II

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“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Well my 2010 totally embodied this quote. The thing I feared most was losing my mother. She was the only person in existence that had been with me since before the sperm of my daddy met her egg. She knew and understood my movements, demeanor, the very essence of me before anyone else had ever set eyes on me. How could I survive in a world that didn’t include her? Well she had always said to me “My job is to make sure you can live in this world without me.” How could I survive in a world that did not include her? HMPF!! I wasn’t going to do that!! Well in 2010 I faced that fear head on and without faith I never would have made it. On February 22, 2010 I was forced into a world without my mother. In the moments when she took her last breath, I hated what that world looked and felt like. 30 days later I am in a hospital being diagnosed with MS. This didn’t scare me…hell I was numb!!! Less than 90 days later my Daddy…Dead. No fear. There was just nothing.

It’s not that fear no longer existed in me. For example if a bird crossed my path I was convinced it would pluck my eyes out!!! Even with shades on. Yep that bird would remove my shades and then dine on my eye balls. Yep a real fear!! Oh and Bridges. Any bridge is liable to collapse or at any  moment I could drive off of said bridge for no apparent reason at all. Cause you know folk love to just fall from, jump from, and drive off bridges!! And if bridges bring about fear then certainly heights will elicit the same fear. Right? It is only reasonable and perfectly logical. Well these were my last three fears ( I think) and how else to do you face and conquer fear? Well other than FAITH and GOD…OPRAH!!! I am convinced GOD used Oprah to help me heal. But we’ll explore that later.

FAITH NOT FEAR

FAITH NOT FEAR

Yep this is me standing next to Oprah…Now in the next post I’ll have to tell you how in the hell this woman got me to sit in an audience with birds swooping down and snatching coins outta people’s hands. Said birds may or may not have flown directly over my head and threatened to eat my eye balls with favre beans. This woman also got me to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge. We may or may not have been atop that bridge for 40 days and 40 nights…Oh my dear Auntie O why must you take me all the way to the other side of the world to ack a complete fool?!! Yeah ya’ll I showed owt. Hmpf Eleanor said face your fears. She ain’t said NATHAN about facing them without showing all the way OWT!! Lawd!! I know my mama and daddy chuckled watching me  face and “conquer” these fears. See yah in a few days. I’ll tell you all about the birds first.

The Mistress, Oprah, Australia and fear down under Part I

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So yeah in 2010 I sat in an audience during Oprah’s last year hosting the Oprah Winfrey Show. After several  blows that year a call from an Oprah producer saying Oprah wants you to come on by was almost unbelievable. It was definitely a little scary. This was my first months with my lover and I didn’t know if he was going to ruin this for me. I mean we were so newly acquainted I didn’t know yet what to expect from him. That was the first time that I acknowledged being a little afraid of him. And that pissed me off. Hmpf, I am going to see Oprah and this son of a biscuit is not going to stop me. So a little packing, a lot of praying, and planning and I was off to Chicago. Now if you have never had the pleasure of entering the sanctuary that was Harpo Studios let me paint a picture for you. The experience was nothing short of heavenly. The audience members, the producers, the staffers, the air in the studio all made you feel blessed. There was something special in this place. For the first time that year I couldn’t stop smiling. The death of my parents, the arrival of my lover, nothing seemed to sadden me. What was this?

There's something special about this place.

There’s something special about this place.

As I sat in the audience chatting with my friend we both commented on the feeling that neither of us could put a name to. So we stop trying and just basked in it. As Oprah hosted the show I found one moment when I thought “Wow my mom would have loved this.” Then Oprah was taumbought (read talking about) where she wanted to take this audience. Huhn? Take us somewhere? Lawd what was Oprah up to? What did God have in store for me on this next journey.

“I’m taking all of you, with me…to AUSTRALIA!!!! You’re going to Australia!!!” I still get goose bumps.

Oprah Australia

I swear this is what I did!!!

Church Faint

But my friend assures me that I stayed standing, jumping, and screaming…before I sat down in pure disbelief and exhaustion. Did I mention this happened a day after my birthday…A birthday I was dreading because it was the first birthday after my parents died and with my current lover. As a matter of fact I realized there were a lot of things I was not looking forward to. And as if she had read my mind, during a commercial break for the TV viewers but not us in the audience, Oprah says “I love giving people something to look froward to. Everyone should always have something to look forward to.” #OprahDust I tell yah #OprahDust

Did I mention I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen since 1986? We live in the same state only minutes away from each other and we run into each other at an Oprah show where we win a trip to Australia? #OprahDust

Did I mention I published my novel “Sins Of Thy Mother” after this show? #OprahDust

Sins Of Thy Mother

Sins Of Thy Mother

The Oprah Dust that was to follow you just won’t believe…The fears I had, I think you will believe.